Late nights

I knew I would be staying up late this week, but not this late. It is currently 2:41 am and I can't go to sleep. I went to bed a little after 1:00 and pretty much stared up at the ceiling for more than an hour and a half. This has been a common occurrence for me, for about the last month. I go to bed, stare up at the ceiling for and hour, finally fall asleep, and wake up early (before my alarm goes off). This may be what is called insomnia. Initial, and terminal. Initial, meaning: not being able to fall asleep and terminal: waking up really early. I learned about it in nursing this last week.

Anyway, after staring at the ceiling and turning over for the millionth time, I decided it was time to get up. Studying for finals time? Nope, that already took up a lot of my Saturday evening. Blogging was obviously the next best choice. So, here I am. Sitting in the chapel. I'm not really sure why it is open, but I'm glad it is.

I've realized that there are few things as thought-provoking as solitude. This is probably why I don't like to spend a lot of time alone. Sure, I like thinking about things and pondering different areas of my life, but it makes my brain stay in constant motion... and my brain is already filled with paperwork and medications, molecular structures and formulas. I have been, in what seems like, constant isolation this semester. Studying, clinicals, and responsibilities have taken over and I just haven't had time to spend with the awesome people that I call friends. As soon as I realize all this, I also see that the semester is coming to a close. My friends are graduating, going as student missionaries, task force, or just leaving Southern. Missed opportunities, forgotten promises to hang out, and delayed reunions all come to mind. It makes me sad that I placed studies as my highest priority this year. Good grades? yeah, I want those. Graduation? Sure, I want it to come sooner... but when I look back on college, I don't just want to remember how much time I spent studying and good grades I achieved. I want to remember faces and memories. Faces of people I grew to love and memories that I made with them.

... I guess I also want to remember that I got some sleep somewhere between freshman year and graduation. Here's to staring at the ceiling for another couple of hours. Hoorah.

Deodorant

The other day, I realized I was out of deodorant so, off to Wal Mart I went. After I had made my purchase, I started thinking of all the deodorant smells that would be atrocious to have. Among those, I thought of grapefruit. I like the taste of grapefruit but I don't like the smell. It just isn't one of those really pleasing, sweet smells. When I think of a grapefruit, I think of the taste, which is sour. Who would want sour deodorant? not me.
As I was putting away my Wally world goods later that day, I realized that I had not even looked at the scent of the deodorant before I purchased it, so I looked. straight across the front, the odor that was clearly written in orange-colored font was "Grapefruit."
Ironic? Maybe. Returning it? Nope... I'm going to make myself try it out and if I smell sour in the process, so be it.

breaking and entering

As I drove home this beautiful Friday night, after an intense day of teaching during acrofest, all I could think about was enjoying the solitude of my home and playing the piano. My parents had already taken off to go to a different church for the weekend... so it was going to be just me and my dog, Bucky, for the night. My excitement was dampened slightly upon finding the door locked. "This is no problem," I thought to myself, "I can just call the parents and find a hide-a-key." This would've been a fine idea, if we owned a spare key, but we don't, so the next mode of action was obviously the windows.

As I jumped on the roof to try and lift window #1, I noticed my neighbor arriving back home from work. It was dark outside and I didn't want to look like I was breaking and entering,so I cast my dark shadow on the side of the house and stood there until her car's lights passed me. I proceeded onto window #2 after finding the previous one locked. Our windows are kind of strange in that, when you open them from the outside, pressure must be put on the glass instead of the frame. I have done this way too many times to count, for good reasons that we can discuss later, and didn't think twice about it. Whether it was from the brute force of my weight against the glass or from the weakening of it(from the harsh winter, and quickly warming weather), I have no idea, but the window gave way to the pressure and my hand went through the glass.

I stood on the roof with very differing emotions for the next couple of seconds. My first thought was of guilt that I'd broken the glass, the second thought was that of relief and pride that I'd actually found a way into the house, the third was of worry and fear that I'd done something to myself in the process, and then of alarm after I'd shone my cellphone light onto my hand and panic after I saw all of the blood dripping from my wrist and fingertips. I really had no idea what the condition of my hand was, my finger could be close to falling off, for all I knew. Regardless of my fears, I finally managed to make it inside the window without any more cuts. After taking some pictures of my hand and washing the ever pooling blood off, I drove to a nurse friend of mine's house. She took one look at my hand and said I'd need stitches. What an adventure that was. I can't even begin to tell you how enthralling it was to watch the needle weave in and out of my skin. Call me crazy, but I had pain meds, so I wasn't feeling the majority of it anyway.

I am now all stitched up and bandaged up and I realize just how important it will be for me to ask others for help, since I can't really use my right hand. I absolutely hate asking for help... most of this is my pride speaking. I want to do things by myself so I can #1: assure myself that I am competent and able to accomplish things ranging from small to colossal and #2: prove to others much of the same. At times, asking for help almost seems like I'm admitting defeat; which I am not always humble enough to do. I also just don't like being a burden to anyone; it drives me absolutely crazy.

Maybe this is why all of this crazy stuff happened, so I will learn to drop my pride and ask for help. I just hope the next time God teaches me something, it won't take a hand through glass and 5 stitches.

Edelweiss

I have always had a tradition at camp of singing my girls to sleep every night. I have found that it is the most effective way of getting them to quiet down and count sheep. There is one song that I have always sung my girls every week and sometimes every night, without fail. That song is: "Edelweiss," the song that is sung on The Sound of Music. There is just something so peaceful about it that made my girls fall asleep every night, without so much as a peep. I even sung the song to Livvy(a little three year old that I babysat throughout high school) during her nap times. It worked for a while, until she memorized the lyrics and would ask me to sing the song, just so she could sing along and therefore, prolong the inevitability of her much dreaded nap. My mother also sung the song to "mini" me before my bed times.
I was actually curious about the history of the song, so I looked it up on Wikipedia, which is the most reliable of sources. I had originally thought that it was Austria's national anthem or something to that extent. The song was actually written by Rodgers and Hammerstein specifically for The Sound of Music. There is actually a Christian version of the song that is called "May the Lord, Mighty God," which was written quite some time after the original version. The song is about a flower that grows primarily in the European alps.
The Edelweiss flower is white in color and is actually known for its use in easing abdominal pain. This flower was known for its "love charms." To prove their bravery and serious intentions, men would actually attempt to climb mountains, where the Edelweiss grows, to pick bouquets of the flower and present it to their lover. Apparently, many men died in the attempt, because of such steep mountainsides and bad weather conditions. It kind of makes the store-bought flowers of today seem a little cheap in comparison. The flower is being protected by most all of the European governments and is now illegal to pick, so I would recommend a different approach in proving bravery.
In case you don't know the words to this famous song, I will write the lyrics below so you can learn it and possibly sing it to a cabin full of munchkins... or to yourself, when you are trying to get some sleep.

Edelweiss, Edelweiss
Every morning you greet me
Small and white,
clean and bright
You look happy to meet me.
Blossom of snow
may you bloom and grow,
Bloom and grow forever.
Edelweiss, Edelweiss
Bless my homeland forever

It Happened Last Night

Last night, I was sitting on my bed in my room pondering life, as I so often do. I put my head on my pillow at 11:20 and fell asleep. At 11:21, I was no longer in my room, but I had been transported to a room full of big burly men. These men weren't just any men, but they were undercover FBI agents. Their cover was that they owned a zoo, filled with mostly snakes. I really have no idea what I was doing in that room, and to this day(this morning), I still don't. Maybe I committed a crime or was being kept safe from danger; I don't think I'll ever know.
I'm not really sure why, but, I was sitting on the floor playing with a King Cobra. He seemed friendly enough, until he slipped out of my hand and dropped onto the ground. I don't think he was very happy about this, because he bit my big toe on my right foot. My poor toe was turning a ghastly purple color and no one seemed to be too worried about it. I told the men that they needed to do something about it and take me to the hospital. They said that their red first aide kit was packed away, so someone would have to go find it. Everyone thought that everyone else had already gone to get the box, when in reality, no one was searching for the first aide kit at all.
I was feeling pretty dizzy at this point and had to lay down on the ground. Not only was my big toe purple, but my whole foot was quickly on its way to matching that same color. One of the men came over to inspect my swelling right toe, and he said that my right lung was also bigger than the left one. "Great", I thought, "I'm going to die because either my right foot will fall off and I'll bleed everywhere, or my right lung will burst open." You can imagine the panic that I was feeling at this point, most of it was due to the fact that these FBI agents were not making any moves at all to save me. The last thing I remember was drifting to sleep on the floor. I woke up this morning, in my bed, and frantically checked my toe to see if it was still there before taking myself to the hospital. Yep, still there. My right lung was still intact too! I guess I'll be okay. I'm pretty sure this is the first time someone has been bitten by a king cobra and lived to write a blog about it.

The Virus

It is a disease that has swept our nation. It is something that has affected each of us at some point or another. It is safe to say that we have all had some form of this and may still be contaminated by it and don’t even realize it. It has been around so long it is even mentioned in the Bible, in Revelation 3:15. As with most viruses, it is not desired to have a temperature of above or below normal. You don’t want to have a fever, making you too hot, and you certainly don’t want to be too cold. The doctor would say it is desirable to be in the comfortable state of 98.6. Roles have been switched slightly, however, for this certain malady. The name of it, I have deemed: the lukewarm virus.

In the spiritual sense of things, I would like to associate the word “lukewarm” to comfort. I believe what Jesus was saying in Revelation 3:15-16 was that he didn’t want us to be comfortable in our spiritual walk with him. We, as humans, like to be comfortable. We like to associate ourselves with people that we know and are comfortable around, be a certain temperature, not do things that make us stand out, if it makes us uncomfortable. If it were up to us, we would stay in a state of comfort for the rest of our lives, because it is much easier and more pleasant to us. It is very dangerous for us, as Christians, to be in this state of comfort. It tells us that we are just fine where we are in our spiritual journey. We don’t need to learn anything new about Christ, witness to any more people than we already are, or strive to become any more like Christ than we already have. In being comfortable with our state, we are being stagnant, neither moving forward with Christ, nor moving backward without him. We simply exist in the middle ground.

Christ would rather have his children be completely cold against him, rather than lukewarm. This is hard for me to accept sometimes. It is hard for me to imagine that Christ would seriously rather have a cold turkey individual over that of a stagnant Christian. I wouldn’t think that the cold individual would be completely comfortable with their situation. Take for example, this scenario. Imagine what would happen if I went outside without a coat on in 30 degree weather. I would consider myself to be very cold at this point. Not only am I cold, but also I would be increasingly aware of what I do not have: a coat. I could continue to walk outside without a coat on, but I would be miserable. I imagine that the cold individual mentioned in the Bible would feel much the same way without Christ. They could continue to go on without Christ, but they would be increasingly aware of what they were missing. I would imagine that if you were hot in your spiritual walk with Christ, you would almost be like a pot of boiling water on the stove. You would be too excited to stay still and more than willing to warm up anyone else that came into your pot with you (or crossed your path). The lukewarm Christian, has no idea of what they are missing. They feel fine, so why change anything about their lifestyle in which they are living?

I would love to say that I’m always on fire for Jesus and that I’m not ever in the lukewarm state, but I would be lying. I have searched for an answer as to how to become hot for Christ. The answer, I believe depends on each individual. There is no shot you can be injected with that will make you immune to the virus. Christ says in Revelation 3:17 that the lukewarm person has no need of anything. According to the Bible, they are fully aware of their riches and their wealth, and yet so unaware of their poor, miserable, naked, blind selves. I don’t propose that I have the cure to the virus, but I have found one key that may help heal us of the disease. That one key is realizing that we are nothing and becoming increasingly aware of what we are in need of: and that’s Christ.

Hello

This is my very first blog. Now Ben and I can be friends.