not so fearless.

The other day, my family was over at our neighbor's house. We were all talking about the fact that I was going to be a substitute teacher this summer. I stated that I was a little scared about this whole concept of teaching and Mrs. Parrish (my neighbor) shot me a stunned look and said, “Beth, are you really afraid of anything?” I realized then that some people, not just my neighbors, may have the notion that I am fearless.
I try not to show my weaknesses, just like every other living, breathing human being. My fears are known to few and far in between… and even I have yet to completely understand some of them.
When I was younger, I didn’t fear monsters in the closet, but ones that hid under the bed. I believed that they would grab my toes if they were uncovered and drag me to my death. To fix this problem, I would keep my feet covered at all times when in bed, no matter how hot it became underneath the covers. I would also run and jump into bed, so these crazy little goblins wouldn’t reach out and swipe at my toes. This was a crazy fear, but even to this day, I keep my toes hidden and yes, I sometimes run and jump into my bed.
I am also afraid of the dark. It makes me feel like something is going to jump out and abduct me. It really freaks me out to have all of the lights off in my house, when everyone else has already gone to sleep. I have this little system prepared so at least one light is always left on downstairs so I can walk upstairs without darkness enshrouding me. When it comes to things like the dark, who cares about conserving energy? Not me.
I have never liked elevators. If I could choose to take the stairs every time, I would. I absolutely hate it when the elevator doors close. I have always been afraid of someone sticking their hand in, at the last minute, to try and stop the doors before they close. I actually stare at the doors while they are shutting, just holding my breath and praying no one sticks their hand in the way. I’m not scared of them getting their hand cut off, it’s more a fear of them actually getting on… I’m afraid of the person who owns the hand. Axe murderer? Sure, could be. Crazy, Psychotic person? Sure, always an option. Now I know this is strange because, anyone who just walks on with me could be those things; so why is it the poor person who’s running late and sticks his hand in? I don’t know. It just is.
Am I fearless? Absolutely not. Keep in mind: these are just three of my many fears too. I try not to let them ruin my life though; if I did, I don’t think I would have much of a life. I just found this verse tonight, shortly after dealing with another dark house episode:
“The Lord is my light and my salvation: Whom shall I fear? The Lord Is the Strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked came against me to eat up my flesh, my enemies and foes, They stumbled and fell. Though an army may encamp against me, My heart shall not fear: Though war may rise against me, In this I will be confident.”
Psalm 27:1-3.
Take that, you little goblin toe grabbers!